Parenting Through the Storm: Strategies for Taming Tantrums

Tantrums are a common part of childhood, but understanding them can be a challenge for parents. In this brief guide, we'll break down what tantrums are, how they evolve with age, and explore the impact of parenting style and attachment on these emotional outbursts. By the end of this article, you'll have a clearer picture of how to reduce tantrums at every stage of your child's development.

What is a Tantrum? Tantrums are emotional outbursts that children use to express their frustration, anger, or even exhaustion. They may look different depending on the child's age:

• Infants typically cry and may flail their arms and legs.
• Toddlers may throw themselves on the floor, scream, or hit objects.
• Preschoolers are more vocal and may use words to express their feelings.
• Adolescents might still experience tantrums, but they can resemble arguments and mood swings.

The Role of Parenting Style: A child's environment and the parenting style play a crucial role in tantrum occurrence. Children thrive when they have consistent boundaries and positive reinforcement. An authoritarian parenting style may lead to more frequent tantrums, while authoritative parenting can help reduce them.

Child's Voice in Tantrums: Children often use tantrums to express their emotions, especially during challenging times like their parents' separation. When facing this situation, understanding the child's perspective is crucial.

1. Acknowledging Emotions: Parental separation brings a whirlwind of emotions for children – fear, sadness, confusion, and anger. These emotions often manifest as tantrums. It's vital to recognize that tantrums are their way of communicating complex feelings.
2. Providing a Safe Space: During a separation, parents should create a safe space for their children to express their thoughts and feelings. Open, non-judgmental communication is key. When children feel heard and understood, they may be less likely to resort to tantrums to seek attention.
3. Encouraging Emotional Expression: Encourage children to use words to describe their emotions. Teaching them healthy ways to express feelings, such as journaling or art, can be effective.
4. Co-Parenting Communication: For separated or divorced parents, effective communication between co-parents is crucial. Sharing insights about the child's behavior and emotional state can help both parents understand and respond to tantrums more effectively.
5. Seeking Professional Support: In some cases, children may require professional support to navigate the emotional challenges of parental separation. Child Voice Practitioners can provide children with a safe and neutral environment to express themselves and develop coping strategies, further reducing the likelihood of tantrums.

Understanding and addressing the Child's Voice during a parents' separation minimizes the impact of emotional outbursts like tantrums. When children feel seen, heard, and supported, they are better equipped to cope with the challenges they face, both during and after the separation, resulting in a more harmonious family environment.

The Attachment Factor: A secure attachment between a child and their caregiver can be a protective factor against tantrums. When children feel safe and loved, they are more likely to manage their emotions effectively.

Ways to Reduce Tantrums:

• Infant Stage: Respond promptly to your baby's needs, establish routines, and ensure they get enough sleep.
• Toddler Stage: Provide choices within limits, offer distraction, and teach simple language for emotional expression.
• Preschooler Stage: Encourage independence and problem-solving skills, while maintaining consistent rules.
• Adolescent Stage: Foster open communication, negotiate boundaries, and respect their growing autonomy.

Conclusion: Tantrums are a natural part of growing up, and they often indicate that a child is struggling to communicate their emotions. By understanding the different stages of tantrums, recognizing the influence of parenting style and attachment, and using age-appropriate strategies, parents can effectively reduce the frequency and intensity of tantrums. Parents can also seek professional help from Child Voice Practitioners in case a child is throwing tantrums during separation. Remember, every child is unique, and patience and love are key ingredients in navigating this challenging but essential aspect of parenthood.

Authored By:
Rose Morsh
RECE, Parenting Practitioner,
Family Mediator & Child Voice Practitioner