My child is a picky eater!

As an early childhood educator and parent practitioner, the "picky eater" conversation often arises from toddlerhood all the way to early elementary. I usually have parents asking: "Would someone sit with my 4-year-old and make sure they eat." I smile and help the family to ensure their child's nutritional needs are met. At the same time, I try to help parents to understand how it all begins at home.

There are many positive ways to have an engaging and inviting mealtime at home, full of cheers and laughter. Everyone must be on the same page when it comes to promoting positive eating habits and routines. This includes parents, caregivers, babysitters and grandparents. It is never too late to start having a healthier and more enjoyable mealtime.

The PARENT and/or caregiver's job is to decide:

WHAT food and drinks are served at meals and snacks? Make only one family meal. Do not offer your child other options or their favourite foods if they refuse the family meal. Plan healthy balanced meals using Canada's Food Guide. WHEN food is served. Offer meals and snacks at the same time every day. Your child will learn when to expect the food to be served, and it will help her to come to the table feeling hungry. Your child is more likely to try new foods when she is hungry at mealtime. WHERE food is served. Children eat better when the family eats at the table together.

The CHILD'S job is to decide:

IF she is going to eat. Your child will eat if she is hungry. Don't worry – your child won't starve herself! If she's hungry, she will eat even if her favourite foods are not in front of her. HOW MUCH she is going to eat. Trust that your child knows when she is hungry or full.

Top 10 Tips for Picky Eaters

1. Plan family mealtime. Eat meals at the table as a family. Do not offer food while your child is playing, watching television or walking around.

2. Be a role model. Your child will eat better and be more willing to try new foods if she sees others eating the same foods. Family members, including older brothers and sisters, are relevant role models for healthy eating.

3. Eat at regular times. Offer three meals and up to three snacks at regular times each day. Offer only water between meals and snacks. This will keep your child hydrated and make sure that she doesn't fill up before mealtime. This way, she will come to the table hungry.

4. Promote happy mealtimes. Your child will eat better if she is enjoying mealtime. Children are more likely to have a pleasant meal time if you don't pressure them to eat. Starting with the green on your plate and moving to the main meal, talk about the different taste buds and how enjoyable it is. This is the time you can get the family engaged in conversation about their food and the positive notes they can share about their day. Mealtime is also considered a particular time in the family when the children are able.

5. Avoid distractions. Meals and snacks should be served away from distractions like the television or computer. Mealtime is for eating and interacting with the family. Do not have toys at the table or on your child's tray. Leave toys, books, television and music for playtime before or after meals.

6. Prepare one meal for the family. Make sure you offer food in the correct texture and size of pieces for your child. Remember, it is the parent or caregiver job to provide the food, and it is your child's decision whether they will eat or not. Your child will be more willing to try new foods if she knows she will not get her favourite foods when she refuses dinner.

7. Listen to your child. Trust that your child knows when she is hungry and full.

8. Don't pressure, praise, reward, trick, or punish. Children who want to be independent will not eat well if they feel the pressure. Allow your child to decide if or how much she will eat from the foods offered. Trust that she will eat if she is hungry.

9. Try, try again. Continue offering new foods even if your child has said no to them before. Offer these foods on different days, at different meals and in various recipes. The best way to introduce new food is by having your child smell the food, kiss the spoon and after eating a spoon of fresh food. This can be a 3-way process of eating before your child has the first bite. It can take as many as 10 times for a child to try a food and like it. Do not give up!

10. Limit mealtime. Allow your child a maximum of 30 minutes to eat the meal. After this time, put the food away and let your child leave the table. Offer food again at the next scheduled meal or snack time. Extending mealtime too long will not make your child more likely to eat and does not create a healthy and happy eating environment.

Common Questions About Eating Habits and Point to Remember

• What if my child will not eat? If your child refuses to eat at snack or mealtime, offer only at the next scheduled time. Stick to this rule even when your child refuses dinner and has to wait until breakfast. If children eat less at one meal, they will make up for it and eat more at the next meal.

• Will my child starve? Your child will not perish. Once they realize that by throwing tantrums and crying, they are not getting the ways to join you and follow your family rules. It is essential to teach the child about eating rules and set reminders of eating time 10 minutes before starting a new routine.

• My child has Autism, and he does not eat. If your child has an exceptional need, especially Autism, they do need more support and guidance with their eating habits. The best method is to introduce each food one at a time by the concept of the 3-way process: Smell it, kiss it, and take a spoon.

• Sometimes children are picky eaters due to exceptional needs or other factors. Many children do not like their food touching each other on a plate. Try separating foods, such as putting rice on one plate, chicken on a different dish, greens on a third.

• Each family's style is different. How a toddler, preschooler or early elementary is to be supported varies. We are here to guide you with finding the best techniques that work with your family dynamic.

Rose Morsh

Rose Morsh is the founder of Inventive Minds Child, Youth and Family Support Centre Elementary Private School and Youth Mentorship Program. Her passion is building positive family relationships, especially between parents and their children. 

She becomes an extension of the families in her care as they navigate parenthood from expectancy to the adolescence and teenage years. Having worked with thousands of families over her 20 year career as a Positive Parenting practitioner and early childhood educator, she draws from personal challenges as a parent to help families overcome obstacles to thrive.