Preparing Your Child for a New Baby

As a practitioner in the field of early childhood education and through working with families over the years, I find nothing more rewarding than seeing families thrive in their parenting skills. Relationships and parenting are like watering flowers. Each flower blossoms differently and is unique, as is each child. Families are all different, like a garden full of bright colours filled with colourful butterflies.

There is nothing more rewarding than adding a new addition to the family. Having laughter in the house with the little ones running and playing with each other is precious. Family moments around the dinner table enjoying each other's company are memories we never forget. It is one of the happiest times in a family. Children will be floating with excitement and are loving, caring towards the new baby. They can be very proactive as an older sibling, alerting family members when the baby cries, and cheerfully watching and helping with diaper changes and other tasks.

It is also human nature for feelings other than happiness to appear. Feelings of jealousy and aggressiveness toward a new family member can arise as they realize they might not get the same amount of attention as before.

How to prepare your child for the arrival of a new baby 

Explain that a new baby is coming in advance

• Children need to be prepared for significant changes in their life. First, talk to your child about families with siblings, so your child sees that many families have more than one child. It is essential to inform your child about the new arrival of the baby 4 to 6 months in advance.
• It is best practice to inform children aged 4 or older from the beginning of your pregnancy. It is important to tell children that the family is growing because you are having a new baby. Avoid vague phrases like 'you're getting a new friend in the house.'

Involve your child in the preparations

• Give your child the chance to feel the baby kicking.
• Get them involved in decorating the new room for the baby
• Have your child buy a present for the baby. Put it aside, so when the baby arrives, they can feel proud to give their new sibling a unique gift they chose themselves.

Make changes to your child's routine in advance

• Long before the baby arrives, make any necessary changes to your child's usual routine. If you have not started separation and detachment processes, it is recommended you enroll young children in a nursery program as soon as possible. If it's possible to have them start by the second trimester of pregnancy, you can help to avoid them associating detachment and changes in the household with the new baby. These feelings can create adverse emotional effects such as anxiety, jealousy and tantrums. 

Here are a few tips on what to do when the baby arrives

1. Let your child visit.
2. Maintain your child's routine.
3. Involve your child in preparations
4. Make your child feel important by involving them in the day-to-day care of the baby
5. Encourage your child to be gentle
6. Plan ahead for the baby's feed times.

 Behaviour changes and emotional stress can occur with the arrival of a new baby at home. Common problems include:

• Disobedience or misbehaviour
• Temper tantrums
• Moodiness
• Roughness with the baby, such as hugging too tightly, hitting, pinching or biting
• Separation anxiety
• Increase or appearance of codependency behaviours
• Sleep pattern changes
• Mealtimes become more of a challenge.
• Issues with toileting

Overall, many established day-to-day behaviours may be affected. This is due to a tendency for children to try to reclaim attention they perceive has been lost to the new baby.

How to support your child's emotions

Children can feel some resentment or jealousy towards a new baby, especially since we all trigger a sense of codependency in our parenting skills towards our children at times. This resentment can worsen when the infant starts to move around and touch the older child's toys and games. It is essential to have realistic expectations from your child and their level of cognitive processing and development. Here are some ways to support them through this significant change:

• Be prepared for your child's reactions
• Acknowledge their feelings as valid
• Be consistent
• Ignore minor problems
• Act quickly if dangerous behaviour occurs that can put the baby's safety in jeopardy

Children are vulnerable, and as their advocates, preparation can help us support them fully. The goal is to ensure this is a positive transition for every member of the family. Consider consulting a parenting practitioner before planning and preparing for a new baby. They can support your immediate and extended family and anyone who's part of your support system with a plan to suit your unique needs as you transition. Grandparents, extended family and friends, can all be part of a beautiful transformation as they create a circle of support for your child and for you.

Parenting a growing family is rewarding, and having realistic expectations is the most crucial factor in maintaining a healthy household. In this scenario, everyone is mindful of each other's feelings and understands their role in the family dynamic.

Rose Morsh

Rose Morsh is the founder of Inventive Minds Child, Youth and Family Support Centre and Elementary Private School. Her passion is building positive family relationships, especially between parents and their children.

She becomes an extension of the families in her care as they navigate parenthood from expectancy to the adolescence and teenage years. Having worked with thousands of families over her 20-year career as a Positive Parenting Program practitioner and early childhood educator, she draws from personal challenges as a parent to help families overcome obstacles to thrive.